Put some jokes here (non dirty)

[bjr22n_]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

[bjr22n_]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table . you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

[bjr22n_]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

RE: Holiday Party


Forget about the gifts exchange. No gift exchanges are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 to $20 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

[bjr22n_]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or package everything for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

[bjr22n_]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%&# Employees

RE: The F*%&# Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%&# salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.

They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die!

The ИИИИИ from HELL!!!!!!!!

[bjr22n_]

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.


Happy Holidays!

[gazzaEBXR6]

q:why are wedding dresses white
a:arent most kitchen appliances

---------------------------------------------

definition of a wife something you strap to the bed that does th dishes

[Ringo]

The Mental Patient:

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.

One day while they were walking passed the hospital swimming pool,
John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed
there.

David promptly jumped in and saved him. He swam to the bottom of the
pool and pulled John out.

The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He
immediately ordered that David be discharged from theMental Hospital, as
he considered him to be OK.

The Doctor said, "We have good news and bad news for you, David! The
good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained
your senses. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient you
must be mentally stable.

The bad news is that the patient whom you saved, Mr. John, hung himself in the bathroom, and died."

David replied, "Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry."

[Ringo]

Fishing Seniors

At a Senior Citizen luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady
struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.
Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,
"Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!
When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years. They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.
He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?" There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down ?"
The woman replied, "Down." A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady,"Up or down ?" She replied, "Up." This really confused the gentleman so he asked,
"What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad
passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"
She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
my hearing aid and I thought the choices were
f**k or drown."

[Ringo]

I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read, " The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started". So I looked around the house to see all the things I had started and hadn't finished.... and before I left the house this morning I had finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Jim Beam, the Prozac and some Valium, some Cheese cake and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freakin' good I feel.

You are free to pass this on to those that are looking for "Inner Peace"

[Mudzy]

An elderly couple were attending church when about halfway through the service she leans over and says to him, "I just had a silent passing of gas. What should I do?"
Her husband leans over to her and replies, "When we get home put a new battery in your hearing aid."

[Mudzy]

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes


(Must Read Out Loud)


1) That's not right………………………….Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harbouring a fugitive…………..Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP…………………………Kum Hia

4) Stupid Man……………………………….Dum Gai

5) Small Horse………………………………Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach…………………Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped the coffee table……………….Ai Bang Mai Ni

8) I think you need a face lift………………..Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here……………………Wai So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet…………….Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone………………….No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week………WaiYu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight……………………..Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile……………Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive…………….Yu Stin Ki Pu

[Mudzy]

Med School

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it Is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth." Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

[xr8edute]

>Here are actual excerpts from a soon to be published book which contains
>famous cricketing sledges.
>
>Enjoy............................................ ..
>
>1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:When Botham took guard in an Ashes match,
>Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your
>wife & my kids?"
>
>
>2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:As Cullinan was on his way to the
>wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to
>humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
>
>
>3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo
>Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so F**ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because
>everytime I F*** your mother, she throws me a biscuit"
>
>4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughesuring 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith
>after he played & missed:"You can't ИИИИИИИИИ bat". Smith to Hughes after
>he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't
>ИИИИИИИИИ bat & you can't ИИИИИИИИИ bowl."
>
>5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandaduring 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called
>Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed:
>"Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
>
>
>6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richardsuring a test match in the West Indies,
>Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after
>deliveries.
>"This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my
>culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he
>announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k *ff."
>
>
>7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which
>was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called
>for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney...
>"You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"
>
>
>8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was
>greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "ИИИИИ me, look who it is. Mate, what
>are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for
>England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family"
>
>
>9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste
>like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you
>ever
>effing mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your F*fing throat out."
>
>
>10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore)
>comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I
>remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then,
>you're fu*king useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me &
>when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I
>hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".
>
>
>11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan
>batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the
>batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character
>to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up,
>"Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."
>
>
>12. Ravi Shastri v/s the Aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don't
>want to slander anyone ) Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a
>single...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease
>i'll break your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you
>can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
>
>
>13. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed
>a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now
>or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
>
>
>14. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first
>slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word.
>At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises
>sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your
>mother" he replied.

15. Merv Hughes bowling in Perth to Viv Richards. Viv had missed the ball about three times in a row so Merv went up to him and said, " Hey Viv that red shiney thing is the ball your supposed to be hitting". The very next ball Viv belted the ball over the fence for six and as quick as a flash looked and big Merv and says " well Merv you know what it looks like now go and f_kin get it."

Classic, i love it

[347_XR8]

Ha ha, Classic!
A man walks into a bar and satrts to have a few drinks. "RIGHT! Thats it, time to buy my last beer" he proclaims
So the man gets up goes to the bar, buys a beer and sits back down. Grabs the beer and places it to the side and conitues to drink. Everyone around him looks confused but think he was just lying to get some attention.
After a few hours of drinking and having a good time the man says "I've had enough, i'm going home, time for that last drink!"
Everyone expects him to get up to the bar so they start moving to give him some room.
He grabs the beer he put to the side and drinks it. Everyone is now confused. He proclaims "I bought my last beer nefore so that i wouldn;t forget or run out of money, now i've just had it, so i'm going home"

[foxtrot]

Originally Posted by Lukey_XF

Ha ha, Classic!
A man walks into a bar and satrts to have a few drinks. "RIGHT! Thats it, time to buy my last beer" he proclaims
So the man gets up goes to the bar, buys a beer and sits back down. Grabs the beer and places it to the side and conitues to drink. Everyone around him looks confused but think he was just lying to get some attention.
After a few hours of drinking and having a good time the man says "I've had enough, i'm going home, time for that last drink!"
Everyone expects him to get up to the bar so they start moving to give him some room.
He grabs the beer he put to the side and drinks it. Everyone is now confused. He proclaims "I bought my last beer nefore so that i wouldn;t forget or run out of money, now i've just had it, so i'm going home"

that makes sense... but its not funny hahahhahha :ymca:

[gozza]

Originally Posted by Mudzy

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes


(Must Read Out Loud)


1) That's not right………………………….Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harbouring a fugitive…………..Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP…………………………Kum Hia

4) Stupid Man……………………………….Dum Gai

5) Small Horse………………………………Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach…………………Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped the coffee table……………….Ai Bang Mai Ni

8) I think you need a face lift………………..Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here……………………Wai So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet…………….Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone………………….No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week………WaiYu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight……………………..Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile……………Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive…………….Yu Stin Ki Pu

i have one more for that

16) thats really good...............Far King Su Pah

[big_pete]

not sure if this has been posted - but its a ripper!!!

____________________
An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar.
There was only one other person in the bar; a man. The three men
kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar.

They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him
before,when suddenly the Irishman cried out, "My God, I know who that man is. It's Jesus!

The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus
himself,sitting alone at a table. The Irishman call out, "Hey!,
you!!! Are you Jesus?"

The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his
head."Yes, I am Jesus" he says.

The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him "I'd like
you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me."
So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his
table.Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles thank you and drinks.

The Englishman then calls out, "Errr, excuse me Sir, but would
you be Jesus?"

Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus."

The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a
pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, which the bartender duly
does.

As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.

Then the Australian calls out, "Oi, you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus,
or what?" Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus."

The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over
a pot of Victoria Bitter for Jesus, which he accepts with pleasure.
Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat
and approaches the three men.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, Thanking
him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of
amazement. "Oh God,the arthritis is gone," he says. The arthritis I've had
for years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him For
the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in
shock. "By jove", he exclaims, " The migraine I've had for over 40 years
is completely gone. It's a Miracle!"

Jesus then approaches the Australian, who has a terrified look on
his face.

The Aussie whispers ...
"F*** off, mate. I'm on workers comp."

[big_pete]

Phone call from the office



((((RING))))
**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank"

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Frank"

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

**Brief Pause**

"Uh, okay then, ..this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the
table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that
Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute"
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone "I did it
Daddy"

"And what happened honey?" he asked

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the
dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he
jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he
didn't know that you took out the water last week to
clean it, he hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?? Is this 555-7039?????"

[aimzes]

what is the most noble creature of the sea?

the prince of whales.

what kind of clothes do judges wear?

lawsuits

what was camelot famous for?

its knight life

did you hear the joke about the butter?

id tell you but i promised not to spread it round

[rapidxr6]

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out....
"Pa, You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back,
"Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse! "
Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole,
looks around and yells back,
"Ma There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,

"Ma Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"


To which Ma replies, "Hurt's, don't it ?!"

[jabba]

The Koala

A koala is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a little

lizard walks past and looks up and says to the koala
"Hey! what are you doing?"

The koala says"Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and
they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is
going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and
falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard
and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard,

"What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting
smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and
then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest,
finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he
looks up and says - "Hey you!"

The koala looks down and says:

"Faaaaarrrrk dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

[jabba]

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Laramie,
Wyoming. He sits at the counter and notices an old
cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full
bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting
there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the
old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the
young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says,
"Nah! , go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and
starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.

The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too.

[bjr22n_]

Three ducks walk into a bar.
Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day.
What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender.

He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all
day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be
Louie?"

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."

[big_pete]

NEWSFLASH___________________

The Australian Hotels Organisation announce that the popular drink
previously known as the 'ИИИИsucking Cowboy' will now be known as the
'Heath Ledger'.

_____________________________

[bjr22n_]

Two Dutch girls are riding their old rickety bikes down the back streets of Amsterdam one late afternoon. As it turns closer towards dusk, the increasing darkness of the streets starts making the two girls a little nervous when one girl leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before."

The other girl says, "It's the cobblestones."

[Hitman]

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor
or pharmacist about Tequila. Tequila is the safe, natural way
To feel better and more confident about yourself and your
actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let
you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just
about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and
with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles
that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, (well
shyness anyway) and you will discover many talents you never
knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila.

Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant
or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn't
mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting,
incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss
of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of
grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and
a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip
Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila. Leave Shyness Behind.

[Hitman]

How to install a wireless security system:

Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work
boots, a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on
top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside
it, a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that
says something like "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get
more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr. Don't disturb the pit
bulls. They've just been wormed and they are a little edgy."

[Blue Oval Mopar Man]

An old ringer rides into a small country town one hot windy dusty day and stops his horse outside the local pub. He gets off and wrappes the reins around a pole and walks to the back of his horse. lifts its tail and kisses it right on the bum.

All of a sudden he hears she screetching of tyres and a door opening , and he turns to see the town copper climbing out of his landcruiser. The copper growls " WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING ?"

The old ringer says 'I was just kissin me horses ИИИИ ! The copper say "this is a respectable , civilised town mate , you can just go round kissin animals on the bum in public." The old ringer says , "But I've got chapped lips, from the dry dusty wind mate." The copper says "what , does kissing your horses *** fix it " with an astounded look on his face .

The old ringer replies "NO, but it sure stops me lickin em !!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

[luke]

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.